Making Assumptions

Pundits have been putting their spin (http://http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/01/AR2007040101142.html) on the decision of John Edwards to stay in the presidential race after his wife was diagnosed with an incurable recurrence of cancer. I remember my reaction when I first read the announcement. I felt some dismay that ambition was overriding very deep family, life-and-death concerns. Then I heard people talking about their courage in not letting cancer interfere with their lives, and thought, well, I guess that is admirable, when you look at it that way.

Then I noticed that this is another one of those instances when the same set of facts can be layered with a host of different interpretations, judgments, and "spin," giving completely different meanings to those facts. But all those "meanings" are just opinions.

One of those lessons I've learned by this point in my life is that I can't see inside another person's heart. I learned that simply through experiencing instances in which people have said things to me that included assumptions about what I was thinking or feeling -- assumptions that weren't at all in line with my actual thoughts and feelings. Surprised and dismayed, I then would scramble to deny the assumptions, and earnestly explain what I really was thinking, all the while resenting the sense that s/he had mistaken notions about where I was coming from. And wondering, even as I tried to explain, if s/he didn't believe me and hung on to the original assumption.

No, not one of us can know why a person does something. The best we can do is ask, and listen to the answer. We can choose to believe or not believe what they tell us. But, ultimately, we can only decide what we will believe. We can't know.